The Baby Barter Page 13

  “Some days, I think the war was easier.”

  If Thea’s pronouncement spooked the older woman, she didn’t show it, laughing instead. “Family can be that way sometimes. Mine cared so much for their standing in society that they sent me away rather than keep me at home.” She sat the coffee cup back on its saucer. “But every once in a while, I get homesick for Momma, and I think if I could have her back for one more hour, I’d be okay.”

  “I know exactly how you feel.” A tight knot formed at the base of Thea’s throat. What she’d give to talk to Eileen, or even Momma in her right frame of mind. To tell them how sorry she was for running out on them, for not being here over the past eight years. She tasted salt and sniffled, willing herself not to cry. What was wrong with her? Grief? Exhaustion? Probably both. Or had returning home turned her into a silly old watering pot? Thankfully, the older woman was too involved in pouring herself another cup of coffee to pay much attention to Thea.

  “I thought you were going to let me rock Sarah to sleep.”

  Thea glanced toward the kitchen door where Mack stood, leaning one muscular shoulder against the door frame, his hair pushed back as if he’d raked it into place with his hands. An uncertain smile hovered on his lips as his gaze turned to the baby resting in her arms.

  Ms. Aurora was right, Thea thought. Seeing Mack lose the opportunity to raise Sarah would hurt her, as well. How could this situation be resolved without leaving either one of them with a broken heart?

  Thea silently whispered a short prayer as she stood and carried Sarah across the kitchen to where Mack stood. Dear Lord, I don’t have the wisdom of Solomon but You do. Help us find a way so that neither Mack and I come away from this broken. Please, Lord, help us.

  * * *

  Mack followed Thea down the hallway, marveling at the way she looked so natural holding Sarah in her arms, dropping a kiss on the baby’s brow every now and then, pushing a loose curl out of Sarah’s eyes. How would Thea be with Sarah as she grew older? Loving, yes. Strict, after her experience with Eileen, that was a given. And completely devoted to her, as she had always been to her family.

  To be loved abundantly. Guilt rippled through Mack. He shouldn’t have listened in on their conversation, but when Thea had spoken of her love for Sarah, her desire to include him in the baby’s life even if she was the one given custody, so that Sarah would have a life filled with love, he hadn’t been able to turn away. It didn’t matter that Sarah might not be Eileen’s child. Thea would love her abundantly regardless. He’d seen it in the way she cared for her mother and sister, giving of herself without any expectations. And now with Sarah. What would it be like to be the object of such a love? Would his scars, his shortcomings keep him from ever finding that kind of devotion and affection? Or would love, real love, true love, make his physical deficiencies seem insignificant even to himself?

  “Mack?”

  His thoughts evaporated as he focused on Thea. “Sorry, must have been woolgathering.”

  She studied him for a long moment, her brows furrowed in concern. “Don’t push yourself. If you need to go back to bed for another day or two, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

  Mack smiled at her concern. A man could get use to that kind of attentiveness coming from a woman like Thea. “I’m fine, really. Just thinking, that’s all.”

  He followed her into the deserted living room. The large faded rug on the floor had frayed edges, and an irregular-shaped hole marred the wool near the coffee table, but the material was thick enough to ease a child’s fall. A scarred cedar chest in need of a good sanding and a coat of varnish sat in the corner. Odds and ends of furniture, most likely donated, filled up the room. Nothing was shiny or new, but everything was comfortable and welcoming. A homey place to raise children.

  “You want to sit down here?” Thea nodded toward a frilly concoction of eyelet lace that cushioned Ms. Aurora’s rocking chair. “Once you get comfortable, I’ll hand you the baby.”

  “It’s kind of hard for a man to be at ease with all this girly stuff hanging off the chair.”

  She gave a throaty chuckle, the sparkle in her eyes rivaling the most beautiful sapphires in Mr. Friedman’s jewelry display. “There’s nothing wrong with a woman liking to pretty up her house a bit.” She motioned again for him to take a seat, and he dropped down into the chair. The cushions proved more comfortable than he’d thought, and soon he was sinking back, his eyes closed in peaceful rest.

  “You look better than you have in days.” The warmth in her voice soothed him, like warm honey sliding down a parched throat. He opened his eyes, surprised to find Thea barely a breath away, watching him. The memory of their almost-kiss fluttered though his mind. What would she do if he rocked forward, breached the space between them and covered her lips with his own?

  Sarah squealed.

  Mack pressed his feet against the floor and rocked backward while the squirming baby jumped up and down in Thea’s arms. Mack couldn’t help but smile. “I always feel good when I get to see my doodlebug here.”

  “Well, she’s happy to see you, too.”

  Sarah showed her agreement by bouncing with excitement, her bright blue eyes watching Mack like a hawk. She had a few remaining spots but nothing compared to what his imagination had drummed up in the last few days. Her arms and legs fluttered, but Thea kept a firm hold on her until she was safe in his embrace.

  Sarah stared up into his face, her gaze darting from one scab to the next as if in concern. Then, as if deciding he was okay, she stuck her tiny sock-covered fingers into his mouth and he nibbled on them lightly. “I missed you, doodlebug.”

  “She missed you, too,” Thea said as she dropped down on the couch and stretched her long legs out in front of her. “I’ve never seen her this animated. Almost like she got her favorite playmate back,” she teased.

  Mack gently tugged the baby’s fingers out of his mouth. “I hate that I haven’t been here for you, baby girl.”

  “Baby girl?”

  He brushed a kiss against Sarah’s brow. “My other nickname for her.”

  “My daddy used to call me that.”

  Mack glanced over the baby’s head to where Thea sat. In all the years he’d known her, she’d never once mentioned her father. Back then, he’d thought she might have been too young when he died to have many memories of him, but now, knowing Thea’s love for her family, he wondered if it simply hurt too much to talk about him. Mack turned the baby around so that she sat up in his lap, his chest against her back giving her the stability she needed. “What was your dad like?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t remember much. He died when I was only four.” A sad, sweet smile graced her lips. “But I do know he always carried around lemon drops in his pants pockets and played guitar as well as some of those folks on the radio did.”

  “And he called you his baby girl,” Mack added. “What did he do for a living?”

  “He was a farmer. Momma said he loved working outside in the dirt, had a knack for growing things. She said it was like he never grew up from being a little boy playing in the mud.”

  A thread of sadness laced her voice, and Mack found himself wishing he could find a way to ease her pain, obvious even now, years later. So much loss in Thea’s life, and if Mrs. Miller was telling the truth about Eileen’s baby, another disappointment hung on the horizon. “Do you have a favorite memory of him?”

  She sat quietly for several long moments. Had it been wrong to ask? Did Thea even have a good memory of her father to hang on to?

  “When I was a little girl, I loved to follow Daddy out into the fields.” She smiled more to herself than for him. Her eyes had a dreamy faraway look to them as she got caught up in the distant memory. “In the spring when he had to plow the fields to get them ready for the planting, he’d hitch our old mule to the plow then let me ride up on Bessie�
�s back. Each row we’d dig, he’d sing a song with these silly lyrics that he’d made up just for me and Eileen. Momma thought it was vulgar for a little girl to straddle a mule but Daddy never paid her any mind. I loved every second of it.”

  “Sounds like your father was a good man.”

  She nodded. “He was. I just hate the fact that Eileen never got the chance to know Daddy the way I did. A father is so important to a little girl.”

  Had Thea realized what she had said? Was she conceding that Sarah needed a daddy? And what about a momma? Would he give too much away if he conceded, as well? “A girl needs her mother, too.”

  Thea fell back into the cushions and crossed her arms around her waist as if to protect herself. “What are we going to do about the baby, Mack?”

  Now was the time to tell her about his conversation with Beau, but he wasn’t ready quite yet. Instead, he shrugged. “That’s the question that’s been keeping me up at night.”

  “Me, too.” She drew in a deep breath and sighed. “Either way, one of us misses out on raising Sarah. It just doesn’t seem right, does it? Not when we both love her so much.”

  Mack pressed the baby close to his chest. He hadn’t been certain when he’d overheard her talking to Ms. Aurora about allowing him to play an important part in Sarah’s upbringing, but now Thea had confirmed it herself. “You almost sound like you’re worried about my feelings.”

  Pain flashed across her features before her mouth flattened into a straight line, her eyes suddenly dull. “Of course I have to consider your feelings. You obviously love Sarah a great deal, just as she loves you.”

  Mack kissed the top of Sarah’s head. It said a lot about the woman Thea had become, her understanding of his feelings for the little girl. Could he be as generous to her? He prayed so. “You know, Sarah loves you, too.”

  Thea snorted a short humorless chuckle. “She’s only known me for a few days.”

  “That’s the beauty of children. A week feels like a lifetime to them.”

  “She’s a baby, not a puppy.”

  “Yes, but to her, you’ve been here for as long as she can remember.”

  Thea didn’t look convinced. “Okay, I get that. But what makes you think she loves me?”

  Mack smiled. He had her now. “Haven’t you noticed how her attention follows you around the room, always watching your every move? I noticed it the first second you gave her to me. And she doesn’t usually like to cuddle, but she’ll curl into your neck and fall asleep just like she’s found a home.”

  “Really?” A tremulous smile lit up Thea’s face. “You think she loves me?”

  The woman was so beautiful, especially when she looked at Sarah with eyes full of love and devotion. What would it feel like to have that smile turned on him? Mack cleared his throat. “Yes, I do.”

  “Thank you.” It was almost a prayer, whispered to Sarah or to the Lord, Mack didn’t know. Thea leaned forward, extending her hand to the baby, her eyes widening as Sarah grabbed one finger and drew it into her mouth.

  “You think she’s hungry?”

  Thea didn’t answer right away, instead remaining quiet, her focus completely on Sarah. “Maybe, but I think she could be teething.”

  Mack tilted his head to the side and glanced down at Sarah. “I thought so, too, but isn’t she a little young to be doing that?”

  “No.” Thea lowered her face until she was level with the baby. “She’s perfectly in line with what’s normal.”

  Mack remained skeptical. All the books he’d read said baby teeth didn’t come in until later in infancy. But Thea was a pediatric nurse. Surely she would know. “Are you sure?”

  She straightened and held her hand out to him, palm up. “Here, I’ll show you.”

  Her hand felt soft and delicate against his as she guided him to the spot, his finger gliding over the wet, bony section of Sarah’s gums once, twice. On the third time, he felt it, the tiny ridges erupting through the skin. “I feel it, a little tooth right up front.”

  “I know.” Thea’s smile almost blinded him with its excitement. “Soon our little doodlebug is going to be able to grin at us with her own set of pearly whites.”

  Our little doodlebug. It shouldn’t sound right to Mack’s ears, but it did, just the way it felt right for them to be sharing this moment. What about the other milestones in his little girl’s life, when she took her first steps, her first day of school, her first homecoming dance? Time was slipping away. Sarah was growing up, and he was missing it every minute the adoption papers remained unsigned.

  Mack refused to miss anything else. There was one way to make sure Sarah became his daughter and to give the woman beside him the family she longed for. “Thea?”

  “Hmm.” Her attention was still focused on the baby. She loved Sarah, more than he’d ever imagined. At least that played in his favor.

  “I think I’ve come up with a way for us both to raise Sarah.”

  Blond curls bounced lightly against her shoulders as she lifted her head, her clear blue eyes fully focused on him. Boy, a man could die happy staring into those eyes every day. “You have?”

  Mack nodded. He might live to regret this, but as he glanced from Thea to the little girl who would be their daughter, he wondered if this could possibly be the best decision he’d ever made in his life.

  “We could get married.”

  Thea blinked, as though the words had stunned her. Well, she wasn’t the only one stunned by his proposal. “What did you say?”

  He swallowed, suddenly nervous she’d say no. At least she hadn’t rejected him outright, and as surprised as she might be, her question had also held a note of interest. Mack clung to that thought as he worked up his nerve to ask the question that would secure their daughter’s future.

  “Thea Miller, will you marry me?”

  Chapter Nine

  Thea’s thoughts went all fuzzy. Mack couldn’t have said what she thought he’d said. “Could you repeat that, please?”

  “I asked you to marry me.”

  This was a joke. It had to be. Though she’d never known Mack to be unkind. But this—offering her a chance to be his wife, to raise Sarah as their child—was just too cruel for him to kid her about. And yet, the determined set of his jaw, the intent expression on his too-handsome face told her he was altogether serious. “Why would you want to do that?”

  “Think about it.” He leaned closer, and she felt the air go out of her lungs. “If we got married, Judge Wakefield would let us adopt Sarah without a second thought.”

  Marriage with no mention of love. For some reason she was afraid to ask herself, the thought left her depressed. “I thought you wanted to raise Sarah on your own.”

  “I did.” Mack hesitated for a moment. “Or, at least, I thought I did. But the more I think about it, the more I know Judge Wakefield was right. Sarah needs both a mother and father who love her very much. Who better than the two of us?”

  She couldn’t fault his reasoning. Still...

  “If you’re worried you won’t get to see enough of Sarah, I’ve already told you I’d give you time. I want you to be part of her life.”

  “And I want you to be a part of her life, too, Thea. What better way to do that than become a family?”

  A family of her very own! Her heart fluttered, her fingers and toes numb with joy, the future unfurling before her. She could see them chasing lightning bugs and reading stories together before bedtime, sharing Christmases and Easters and all the other holidays in between, curling up on the couch together in front of the fireplace after the children had gone off to bed and sharing about their days.

  Whoa! Where had that thought come from? The man proposed marriage, not love. A means to an end to raise only one child. A way to secure Sarah’s future while assuring their positions in her li
fe.

  To secure a family for herself.

  She needed to think. Thea stood up and paced across the room, rolling her bottom lip between her teeth. Marry Mack? There was a rightness to it, but was that because marrying him offered her what could be her only chance to raise her niece? Or had the crush she’d nursed for him so many years ago matured into more than a childish fancy? “What makes you think the court will automatically agree to us adopting Sarah?”

  Mack stood, Sarah braced against his chest, and walked across the room to stand by her. “Judge Wakefield has never kept it a secret that he would give my adoption file more consideration if I were married. In fact, he said more than once that he would sign the papers the minute I presented my wife to him in his chambers.”

  The old coot sounded pushy to her, forcing a man to choose between the baby girl he clearly adored and his possible future happiness with a wife. Mack deserved more; he deserved to find someone who would treasure his kindness and determination, a woman who could make him proud, not bring shame upon him because of who she was, who her family was. Not that she wouldn’t cherish being Mack’s wife, but he could do better than someone like her. So much better.

  “There’s something else you should know.”

  A sister gone, a mother ill, a chicken pox epidemic. A marriage proposal from a wonderful man. How much more could she take?

  “What is it?”

  Sarah wiggled her fingers at Thea and, without much thought, she dropped tiny kisses along the baby’s arm. She glanced up from the baby’s shoulder and caught Mack watching her, his blue eyes dark with longing. Did he want the same thing she did, a family to call his own? Mack had to, didn’t he? Why try to adopt Sarah if he didn’t?

  “There’s been talk...about us.”

  “Us?” Thea straightened, a familiar knot of dread tightening in her throat. “Why would anyone be talking about us?”

  “The town council is considering expanding the police force in Marietta, so of course there’s been some discussion about what role I might play. Apparently, there were some who—” he hesitated for a moment as if searching for just the right phrase “—voiced concern over the amount of time you and I have been spending together lately.”